May 29, 2009
This story is for any of you potential Kip Kinkles out there. Are you frequently bullied and beat up in school? Do kids call you names and shove you into lockers when you pass by? Do you just wish everyone would die a slow painful death as you cackle over their still-smoldering corpses? Well, welcome to high school. Nothing you are experiencing is new, interesting or unique. You are one of millions of kids in school right now getting the snot kicked out of them on a daily basis. And sure, it sucks. Every stroll through the cafeteria is a humiliating kick in the crotch, both figuratively and, occasionally, literally. But this is no reason fish daddy’s pistol out from under his bed and take it to school looking to get your war on. You do what countless generations of dorks, nerds, dweebs, spastics and pen-huffing morons have done before you. You take the daily bludgeonings, graduate at the top of your class, fly the bird during your college valedictorian speech, invent the personal computer and make billions. You don’t exact your revenge with physical violence, you exact your revenge by boning Jessica Biel on top of the hors dourves table at your 20th high school reunion. And this is why I will once again tell the future Columbiners of America out there to stop it. Thinking about killing yourself and a bunch of classmates imaginging that you’ll go down in history, remembered forever as the guy who finally stood up to that bully Stevie Richards? You won’t. You’ll be remembered as the crazy moron who listened to too much Manson and botched his own suicide. You will likely end up just like this kid in
And on a positive note Mike Patton has yet another project to work on. Not only is he involved with about a dozen bands, one of which being the freshly reunited Faith No More, now Mike will be working with Alan Moore. You may know Alan Moore as the author of comic series’ such as V for Vendetta and Watchmen.