Weezer Going Hip-Hop

The common complaint that I hear about Weezer is that all their stuff sounds the same. “Those guys haven’t made a new record since 1994.” Which is silly. They made Pinkerton, which was different enough from the Blue album that it scared away all the people that just wanted them to keep making songs that sounded like “Buddy Holly” over and over again. Of course, after Pinkerton’s relative commercial failure, the band returned to the brighter, poppier sound with the Green Album. They tossed out Maladroit and Make Believe which were critically received with a resounding “meh” and “ugh” respectively. The Red Album marked a return to form, but even then they were mixing it up with anthems like “The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived” and “Heart Songs.” And to put a big black line under the fact that all their songs do not sound the same, the band has enlisted some help on the next album, called Raditude. Lil Wayne will be contributing a verse on one of the band’s new songs and they have also brought Jermaine Dupri in for a song called “Can’t Stop Partying.”

Rockstar Divorces

A couple of break-ups to announce. One for the ladies and one for the guys. Ladies first. Are you looking for a talentless turd who can wind his whiney vocal stylings into juvenile sing-songy rhymes about shrieking teenage angst? Are you turned on by guys swinging a solid four inches of Snosage? Then I have good news for you! Fred Durst and his wife are divorcing. 

And for you fellas, do you want a woman that’s been burrowed out like the Salt Lake copper mines? Are you looking for a new place to keep your bowling ball warm? Do you get turned on driving through the Sunset tunnel? Then I have good news for you! Porn star Tara Patrick and her rock star husband Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard are also divorcing.

Still No Cure For Marilyn Manson

And I have some sad news to wrap up the Blog today. A follow-up on an earlier story. I told you how a dear friend of the show, no, a dear friend to us all, H1N1 Swine Flu, contracted a nasty case of Marilyn Manson. H1n1 put on a brave face and told the world that everything would be fine and that it was currently taking massive doses of Air Supply and Christopher Cross to battle the infectious shock rocker. Well, it appears that our dear H1N1 lost that battle. Some time in the past week the Swine Flu succumbed to it’s Manson infestation. H1N1 is survived by it’s wife and their few trillion offspring. Manson posted a note on his Facebook that he has a “clean bill of health” meaning that the world has yet to find a cure for Marylin Manson

Illegal Downloading Is Not Rape

Rockstars, believe me. I feel you when it comes to this whole illegal downloading. You have no idea how upset I would be if I found out that just anyone was able to go to cortandfatboy.com and download our show along with exclusive content on a daily basis without paying a cent. Wait, they already can?! Nooooooo!!!! Cortandfatboy.com. So I understood a few years ago when downloading really started to cut in on the profit margin why you could feel a little irritated or betrayed. But your window for feeling violated closed in about 2003. It should have been assumed that any record released after that point would see it’s widest distribution through file sharing sites.  Every big album released in the last five years has been leaked to the internet and every time someone in the band gets asked about it and they say something about how they feel gutted and betrayed. The only reason you feel that way is that you were too naive or uninformed to know that whoever is in the back room making dupes of your CD for distribution pocketed one and made it available to the rest of the planet minus the superfluous packaging and 18 dollar price tag. How you can have an anticipated record and compare it to rape when the thing is leaked to the internet in this day and age I have no idea, but that’s exactly what Sean Kinney of Alice in Chains did. He says it’s like “going to prison- you know you’re gonna get raped, but you’re not ready for it. You think you’re all prepared for it, but you’re not really prepared for how violent that rape is.” To be fair, the last AIC record came out in1997, long before file sharing became as ubiquitous as it is now and Sean did at least say he tried to prepare for it. But if your manager didn’t sit you guys down and say, “Listen, everyone is going to have a copy of this record long before the CDs reach the store. Hell, they’ll have it before you’re done recording it,” then you need to fire your manager. Someone should have set you down in front of a mix tape of scenes from Shawshank Redemption, Deliverance and Pulp Fiction and said, “This is what the fans are going to do to you.” And then they should have dropped a jackhammer with a Hulk fist attachment on the table and said, “And this is what they’ll be using.” If you didn’t get that speech then the people you employ are not doing their jobs. You can catch Alice in Chains performing songs off their album during their two night stand on Jimmy Kimmel Live starting tonight.

Radio Hot Chili Peppers Head?  

From the “Bwuuuaaah??!!” Department comes a story about Thom York’s new band. The first “Bwwuuuaaahh?!” comes from the phrase “Thom York’s new band.” Not really sure what was wrong with his old band, except for all that making influential music and those instant-classic status records, not to mention the millions of rabid fans. ‘Cuz, you know that’s gotta suck. The other level of “Bwwwuuuaaahh?!” comes from who he has IN the band. Apparently filling in on bass duties is none other than Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Now, Flea’s a great bassist and all, but he a little more, oh let’s say overt. On the one hand you have shy, mopey, rag doll Thom York singing his sad, quiet, introspective songs set to electric Casio farts. And on the other you have a guy known for jumping around the stage with a sock on his ding and a giant light bulb on his head playing spastic slap-bass. This band will play at least one gig in support of York’s 2006 album The Eraser. That gig will be in LA on the 9th of October.  

Where Does Radiohead Stand?

You remember how betrayed the democrats felt when Joe Biden left the party? Or when Arlen Spector flopped back over from the Republicans because he was pretty sure he wouldn’t get elected waving the Bushy’s flag anymore? All the conservatives were pissed and suggested that there might be a whole bag full of wieners that Senator Spector should consider eating. Well much like these political betrayals left everyone scratching their heads, fans and downloaders are wondering where exactly Radiohead are coming from any more. Last year they let people download their new record for whatever they felt like paying, many folks opting for the no down, no interest, no principle, no money plan. To many this was a tacit endorsement to download at will, because they just GAVE that record away. Now Radiohead have joined a few other bands in signing a motion in the UK that would ultimately work to deter people from downloading by slowing or cutting downloaders’ internet connections. The motion, signed by some of Britain’s biggest acts including Radiohead and Blur, would create a three strikes rule. Violators would get two written warnings. After a third violation the government would slow, or possibly shut off your connection.

Venezuelan First Lady Courtney Love?   

Someone should probably check to see exactly what constitutes a violation of the Geneva Convention because I think the United States is about to cross a line  that, once breached, may open the world to a whole new level of chemical and biological warfare. See, down in Venezuela we’ve had this dictator sitting on massive stockpiles of oil and receiving billions of dollars in weaponry from the Russians. This man is name Hugo Chavez. We, as a country, would love to find a way to take out Chavez so that we could grease our nuts in all that sweet viscous goo and slide nude down the banister at the UN flying the bird at Russia. But there have to be limits. Assassination? Fine. Shadow organizations destabilizing the government leading to a coup and installing our own puppet regime? Absolutely. Staged alien abduction followed by progressively more invasive probing? Whatever it takes to get your jollies. But loading patient zero of every known sexually transmitted disease on a 747 and detonating it her on Hugo’s lap is going way too far. But it looks like that may soon happen because Courtney Love has targeted Hugo as her next victim. Apparently Courtney and Hugo met at a New York screening of Oliver Stone’s new documentary called “South of the Border” and she really sucked… I mean, they really hit it off. She says,  “It was the third wink that sold me. He’s a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I’d like to go. I’ll rock Caracas.” For anyone wondering who would be the next contestant in Courtney’s Succubus Sex-Partner Square Dance, I think you have your answer. Venezuela is about to be Ed Nortoned, meaning all upward momentum will be immediately halted in favor of Courtney’s crack-whore drama of the week. She’ll siphon off what she wants like a lamprey latched to the soft underbelly of society and when Hugo and his country are exhausted of natural resources she’ll detach to go drain someone else richer, more powerful and more talented that she is.  

Metallica To Go Gay?

Jim Breuer. You may remember him from such things as “random Goat Boy reference during Fatboy’s Dirty Laundry the other day” and… Uh. Goat Boy. And a man with an impressive resume like that is clearly hard to keep out of the limelight. Every time you turn around Breuer’s involved in yet another hilarious bit of pop culture like… Uhm. Goat Boy. So it’s no surprise to anyone, ever that Jim Breuer interviewed Metallica for respected music forum JimBreuer.com. In fact what was more surprising was that Jim Breuer hadn’t been interviewing Metallica since 1978, several years before they even thought of being a band, because that’s how synonymous Jim Breuer’s name is with music journalism. And it’s a good thing he was there because he finally asked the guys the question that every interviewer on the planet has been too scared of asking, too pussy to even hint at: If someone asked them to, would they play a gay character in a movie. Well, needless to say, the importance of this question and the resulting hilarity caused a tear in the time-space continuum which was only repaired by Jim Breuer when he burped the alphabet. But for those of you in vegetative states currently pondering whether Metallica would go gay on film, the answers break down thusly: Lars would only take a movie role if he were playing something “out of whack” like a gay man, Kirk says he would play Rob Halford, James took a moment from grunting and pawing at the mangled deer carcass that his handlers tossed in his cage to keep him from flying into a berserker rage and murdering Jim Breuer, robbing society of his comedic contributions like… hm. Goat Boy. James indicated through a series of deer blood cave drawings that boys hugging boys made him feel itchy in his happy time zone, which was taken as a general “no.” And Rob said that he too would have to pass because he the guys back in his neighborhood would never let it go. You can find the video by going to YouTube and typing in, “Why in good Christ’s name is the guy who played goat boy interviewing Metallica about gay movie roles?” DIRECT LINK TO VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVEhTsEEBOo
 
 
Nine Inch Numan 

And a couple little rock star pairings for you just so you’re prepared for what’s coming down the pike. First up, now that Nine Inch Nails is done with touring, Trent will have the time and freedom to do whatever he wants and it appears that what he wants is to work with Gary Numan of “Cars” fame. He had Gary come out on stage at the last few shows to play “Cars” on stage but now Trent wants to collaborate. Numan says they won’t do a whole album, but maybe an EP. He says, “Probably just a few songs to start with and see how it goes on. It’ll be cool.”

Grohl N’ Roses

Second little rock star collaboration on the way, Dave Grohl has lent out his drumming skills yet again. This time he’s slapping the stretched animal flesh for Slash. Slash posted on Twitter that Dave came in and played on a track along with Duff McKagan for a track on his solo album. The record is supposedly due out sometime early next year.

Manson May Kill The Swine Flu

Just about everyone you know is on Twitter by now. Celebrities and politicians are tweeting continually, attempting to satiate their never ending thirst for constant attention. At all times of the day they tippity-tap any and every insipid thought that cartwheels into the vast expanse of their skulls. But it’s not just vapid celebutards and policy wieners in Congress killing time before the next corporate payoff check slides into their mailbox. Twitter is also used by viruses. Not the computer kind. Real viruses. I’ve been following H1N1 on Twitter for a while now because he’s been posting some pretty hilarious stuff. “Pummeling Judy Finkle’s immune system right now! LOL.” “Do you know what Ron Weasley’s sinuses taste like? I do! ROFL” Well, the swine flu’s latest tweet was rather worrying. It seems that America’s favorite porcine pandemic has come down with an infection of its own. It’s rather upsetting because once infected the prognosis for recovery is poor. H1N1 has posted, “Feel like crap. I think I’ve come down with Marilyn Manson. This sux. Don’t know where I picked it up. Haven’t been in any slutty failed actresses in months.” Well, I for one wish the Swine Flu a speedy recovery, but I’m afraid he may not make it because this particular strain of Marilyn Manson appears pretty determined. Manson blogged, (pfft. blogged, who does that any more? Lame.) “So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that f–king a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have in no way contributed to me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive.” Particularly bad for the swine flu is the fact that Manson has been preparing for this epic battle by gaining 80 pound of flu-killing Gothy gut jiggle. Seriously. The guy is huge. If he tripped into a lit candelabra and all that black vinyl he wears caught fire, an old timey radio reporter would kick in the door and scream, “Oh the HUGE MANATEE.” Fat. He’s. He’s really fat.

You’re Old

The list of prospective hall of Fame inductees has been announced. And this year’s list promises to make a whole new generation of music fans feel old. It’s a right of to realize that a band that you were a fan of from the beginning, that you saw in a tiny club before anyone else even knew who they were, is now eligible for the Hall of Fame. This year’s list includes Kiss, LL Cool J, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Genesis and ABBA and the Stooges. Only five acts make it in. The induction ceremony is scheduled for March 15 in New York City and the inductees will be announced in December.